I wrote this a while back for a competition, and I thought I’d post here to see if I can get any feedback from it. Give it a read and let me know what you think, I’ll post the song underneath for reference, if needed.

Everything is dark apart from one light on a close up of Kelly’s lips, coloured with black lipstick, as she sings “It’s like you’re a drug”. The drum beat changes the shot. It cuts to a shot of Kelly’s “boyfriend” in the video, putting his arm around another girl by a magazine cart. The cart is situated on a quiet street, not too much noise or many people busting about, it’s just those two really on the street with the cart and the seller. They’re smiling and talking as he puts his arm around her. She’s the typical attractive blonde girl. Quite tall, long flowing blonde hair, slim. Wearing a short, colourful dress with purple heels.Kelly’s boyfriend is tall, brown-haired and dark eyes. He’s casually dressed in blue jeans and a white shirt, the top buttons are open as it’s a warm sunny day outside. The camera lingers with the girl and Kelly’s boyfriend before panning round to Kelly’s house down the street. It’s a cottage house as we pan in through the top window into Kelly’s bedroom on the line “And I know”. She begins singing the words (I let you… etc) as she’s gets up out of bed and walks to the window to stare out into the street. She puts her hands down on the window pane and turns her head back round to her empty bed on “The only company I see is misery” and then turns back to stare through the window on “all around”. Kelly’s wearing a black nightdress which goes down to her knees. She has smudged make up and slightly red, teary eyes from evident lack of sleep. Her hair is big from the lack of brushing, typical morning hair.

As the next verse starts, it cuts to later on in the day, with Kelly’s boyfriend and the blonde girl in an ice-cream parlour. They’ve bought a milkshake and some vanilla ice-cream to share. The girl has the ice cream, Kelly’s boyfriend has the milkshake at the moment. He drinks through the straw(on the line ‘sucking the life from me’) looking at the girl, who is staring back at him while she eats the ice-cream in a seductive manner. It then cut backs to Kelly, on the line “And I know..”, downstairs in the kitchen of her house pouring herself a glass of water, already half full, from a clear jug, as she sings along, not blinking, just staring out the window as the glass overflows with water, until the line “..quit you over time.” where she turns her head sharply to look at the clock, cut to the clock on “time” showing you’re the time 6:30 with the second-hand 5 seconds after half six, when her boyfriend should be home. She drops the glass of water, which hits the floor on the drum beat of the word “breathe”, and runs to the door and opens it as the chorus continues. She sees that he’s not home and begins to cry heavily. Her legs give way at the doorway and she falls to her knees in her black nightdress (still not changed the way she’s looked since we saw her in the morning, makeup even more smudged now, bloodshot eyes) with her shaking her head and putting her hands on her head.  We get to the line ‘In my thoughts… In my dreams’ and on “thoughts” and “dreams” it cuts to two different shots, one on each word, of her boyfriend with the girl. One still of his arm around her by the cart, and one still of them staring at each other at the parlour. Cuts back on “taking over me” as she stares up into the sky, with mascara running down her eyes, and then back down as her boyfriend comes walking to the door. She seems him on the first “It’s like I’m not me” and his footsteps walk in time with the piano notes before the second “It’s like I’m not me” where she hugs him and whispers in his ear those words at the end of the chorus.

The next verse begins in the same way as the first, A close up on Kelly’s lips singing “It’s like I’m lost” with nothing else to be seen before cutting to her boyfriend walking down the street helping one of the female neighbours wash her car. The black car is soaped up and the female with long, brown hair, wearing blue denim shorts and a bikini top, is getting rather friendly with Kelly’s boyfriend as she removes his top to ‘make sure he doesn’t get it wet’. Cut’s back to Kelly on “And I know” as she’s washing her hands in the bathroom, scrubbing frantically as she sings, staring into the mirror in front of her, her hands red raw. She looks out the window just to her left and sees her topless boyfriend and the brunette in a bikini. Throwing her nail brush, which she’d be scrubbing herself with, into the bath on the word ‘breathe’ (in time with the drum beat) she storms down the stairs, angry tears pouring down her cheeks, with a close up of her face as she sings “I’m addicted to you”. She gets to the door and opens it on “thoughts” and closes it behind her quietly on “dreams” and on the line “you’ve taken over me” we have a shot from behind Kelly, with her head on the right of the shot, and her view of her boyfriend and the brunette in the rest of the shot. As we get to the second “it’s like I’m not me” she turns her head to the left so we can see the side of her face, as she sings that line.

As we get to the bridge of the song, “I’m hooked on you…” we have a moving shot, watching the front of Kelly as she walks slowly down the path, almost zombified by what she’s seen. Her footsteps in time with the music as it gets more and more dramatic. She reaches them on the first “get me through this”. Her face, a mess from running and smudged make up, her hair all matted and knotted, her eyes dark from the smudging. She picks up the bucket of water and empties the mucky water quickly on the grass at the word “fix” before throwing the bucket at the brunette on the word “hit”, grabbing her boyfriend by the back of his neck and pulling him in closer to her as she sings “just one more time then that’s it” before pushing him away into her black car, his back hitting the door of it on “through this”.

She walks back as the final chorus begins, her face drenched in tears and black make up. Her boyfriend runs to catch up with her as she tilts her head to the side singing “I’m addicted to you” she gets back to the house, opens the door on “dreams”, pushes him out onto the other side of the door on “you’ve taken over me” and slams the door behind her. She turns her back on the big brown door as you see his face through the tiny window, near the higher end of the door, behind her. On “it’s like I’m not me” she slides down the door to the bottom where she sits down, knees tucked up to her chest, then staring straight into the camera for the final “it’s like I’m not me” with a close up on her face. As soon as that’s said, the camera zooms out to see her, a crying mess, on the floor against the door, with her boyfriend’s head still by the window in the door.

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